Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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