We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
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He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
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I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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