I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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