god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We're too hungover to prance.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
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