Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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