I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
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Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
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I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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