they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
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I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
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I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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