Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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