Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
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Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
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A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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