why didn't you poke me back
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize