you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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