how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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