i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize