let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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