my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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