Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize