Whod you bang
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize