So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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