if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
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tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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