I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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