You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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