yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
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I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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