I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
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is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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