Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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