hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
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For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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