She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
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Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
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He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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