2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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