well I can't set my house on fire every night
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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