Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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