By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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