I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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