You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
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I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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