we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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