Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
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