If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Everything about him screamed your future.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
