Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
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Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
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She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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