So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize