he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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