so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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