The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The Olympian is in my bed
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