We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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