Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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