This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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