The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
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He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
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I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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