I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The best revenge is premature balding
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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