Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
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i drank out of a bidet.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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