She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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