my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
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she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
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Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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