Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
what day is it and did you see me today?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize