I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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