I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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