We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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